


Bullet Through my Heart

by Nisaki



Series: Bullets [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Assassin Jensen, Bottom Jared, Established Relationship, Fights, M/M, Smut, Top Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 00:55:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13178931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nisaki/pseuds/Nisaki
Summary: Jared is on the floor, heart playing a crescendo for which fear is the maestro, the leading drum a desperate feeling of denial.This can't be real, on a loop inside his head.His boyfriend of two years is pointing a gun at someone's head.





	Bullet Through my Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foggysundays](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foggysundays/gifts).



> I'm sorry for the late post! I had a hectic month. I didn't get to write one of your prompts, I hope you like this.
> 
> A huge thank you to my beta [Soy-Em](https://soy-em.tumblr.com) .She's a life-saver and a wonderful friend <3
> 
> **This story is _loosely _set in the John Wick universe. The plot has nothing to do with the movie, and you don't need to have watched it to follow.__

 

The sound pierces his ears. The sharp scream of a deadly weapon, held in a hand that was- 'til a minute ago- nothing but gentle. There's a dead man on the surface of the building across the street, another body just beside the trash cans where an alley starts. A man at the end of the gun.

Jared is on the floor, heart playing a crescendo for which fear is the maestro, the leading drum a desperate feeling of denial.   _This can't be real_ , on a loop inside his head.

His boyfriend of two years is pointing a gun at someone's head, a gun that he used to kill two humans.

One moment they were walking down the street and the other they were alone, Dean pushed him to the ground and in a move too fast for Jared to follow, he unarmed a man in black suit, used the gun he just snatched to shoot two people. Jared heard the unmistakable _thud_ of a body dropping, right after the echoing sound of the bullet.

He's staring at Dean, the man he loves, but Dean is focused on the guy.

''Who sent you?'' Dean hisses. The guy doesn't speak, doesn't even flinch. Dean sighs, throws Jared a glance over his shoulder. ''I don't have time for this. I'm _out_ ,'' He spits the last word like it's an insult. The man smirks at him.

''No one is ever out, you know that.''

Dean's face hardens, a furious expression that scares Jared more than the gun does.

''Jay, close your eyes.'' Dean's tone is gentle, and Jared should ask for answers, shout, or run maybe. This man just murdered someone. The man he spent that last two years in love with.

Jared closes his eyes.

A gunshot, then a scream. The same question follows. ''Who sent you?'' A pained whisper then a curse, another bullet is fired.

''I won't kill you until you tell me!'' Dean growls, and Jared's crying now. He can't open his eyes, can't move even though he wants to escape. Run away from all of this instead of hiding behind Dean's legs.

''Kill me, Jensen. We both know I won't talk.''

An agonized shout is ripped from the guy's throat, and the spell weighing Jared's lids is lifted. Dean's boot is on the man's thigh, pressing mercilessly on the bullet wound. The man begs, but Dean doesn't stop, levels the gun to the man's shoulder. Jared stands up, but he can't get away.

''There are plenty places where I can shoot you still, and you won't die.''

The man cusses but says nothing else. Blood splatters, like a boiling volcano as a bullet makes its way to the man's shoulder joint. The man cries out, pained whimpers following his deafening shriek.

''They found you, Jensen. And this time, you _do_ have something to lose.''

Just then, the man's black eyes lock with Jared's, his lips curving into a condescending sneer. He lifts his weakened arm, shaping a pistol with his fingers and mimicking a shot to Jared. Jared flinches, the man's skull shatters on the floor.

''No one touches him!'' Dean roars. The hand holding the gun trembles for the first time, his clothes spotted with blood. When he looks at Jared his eyes are blazing, a forest on fire.

He tucks the gun into the back of his jeans with a familiarity that makes Jared's heart sink, the hand he extends to Jared is the same one that killed three people today. Jared slaps it.

''Stay away from me!'' It's unreasonable. Dean still has the gun, and even if he doesn't, Jared knows how strong Dean is. How he can pin Jared down or slam him onto a wall or throw him over his shoulder. The only one who can manhandle him like that.

They kissed this morning, Jared was holding that same hand. He slept between these deadly arms yesterday and never felt safer. His knees give out but Dean catches him before his body collides with the pavement. Lowering them both to the ground so he's cradling Jared to his chest like an overgrown baby.

As Dean's thumb sweeps over his cheekbone, Jared realizes that he's crying again. ''Don't touch me.'' He croaks. Dean's features morph into a pained countenance.

''I'm sorry, sweetheart. But we have to leave. They won't stop now that they found me.'' Gentle fingers thread through Jared's hair, massaging his scalp then tucking the wayward locks behind his ears. He turns his head to the side, away from this man's chest, not bearing to look at him right now.

Collecting whatever strength he has left in his shocked body, Jared stands on trembling limbs, stepping backward. Keeping Dean in his line of vision.

Dean.

The man called him Jensen.

Jared throws up.

Warm, strong arms wrap around him, his ears full of his harsh breathing. Nothing makes sense anymore. The world twirls around him, tilts on its axis as he loses control, consciousness allowing the deceptively sweet darkness to take him under.

*******************************

_His steps echoed through the calm hallways as he made his first round for the night. Jared had never understood why other nurses hated the night shifts. There was something serene about the hospital at night, calm light reflecting off white tiles. Hushed voices from whoever is awake and far off sounds of night creatures. It was beautiful._

_All patients were asleep, except for the one in room 401. Jared didn't get to talk to him when he was admitted the morning before, but all his co-workers first impression of him was that he was a cranky, paranoid asshole. He didn't like to form ideas from other people's encounters, so he wasn't ready to write him off yet._

_He tried to peek through the keyhole. Not catching anything and feeling ridiculous, he straightened his stance and took a breath. How scary could this patient be anyway? Convincing himself that Gen tended to exaggerate he opened the door and stepped in._

_The man was sitting on the bed with the covers pooling around him, his eyes down cast, staring at the sheets with a vacant look. He flinched when Jared greeted him, turning his gaze to Jared and holding him captive. Intense green eyes looked him up and down as if sizing him up, full lips curved into a half smile._

_''Evening, nurse.'' Smooth, whiskey like voice. Jesus Christ, could anyone be this gorgeous?_

_''I'm Jared.'' He offered pitifully, swallowing when the man grinned at him. Those emerald eyes staring through him, making him weak in the knees. He checked the patient's vital signs, made sure his IV line was in place and that he wasn't in pain._

_''You should be good to go tomorrow, Mr. Winchester.'' Jared made to move but Winchester held his wrist and pulled him in._

_''What if I don't want to leave?'' He asked, face barely an inch away from Jared's._

_''Mr. Winchester, you ca-''_

_''Dean. Call me Dean.''_

*************************************

Tears flow down his cheeks as he wakes up from the memory. He knew nothing but Dean for the past two years and now he has nothing but the ghost of that warm summer night on his skin. Everything has been a lie, right from that moment.

They're in a car, Jared recognizes the street, they're heading home. _Home_. His heart gives a pang and his lungs tighten, breath going fast again.

''You awake?'' Velvet voice calls out to him, the burn behind his lids increases. He wishes he didn’t have to open his eyes and face reality.

''Dean is not your name, is it?'' His voice is scratchy, like he's spent a whole night screaming.

Silence rules over them, filled with the sounds of road  and Jared's thudding heart. The man beside him sighs.

''It's Jensen,'' he says. Jared wants to vanish, his chest aching so bad death might be a mercy.

''I can explain,'' Jensen starts but Jared has had enough of this man's lies, he's been eating them for two years already. The shattering sadness in his soul turns into hot, red rage.

''Fuck you!'' He shouts ''Explain? You mean lie more! I don't even know who you are! Where are you taking me? Drop me off this second or I'll throw myself out of the car!''  

The tires squeal as Jensen takes a hard turn, increasing the speed like a mad man.

''You are not going anywhere,'' He hisses ''They'll kill you! I will tie you up if I have to, but I'm not allowing you to get yourself hurt because of this!''

'' _This_ ? You're calling lying right to my face for two fucking years, killing three people in the street and kidnapping me _this_?''

Jensen doesn't answer, his grip on the wheel tightens. ''I didn't lie to you,''

''That's rich.'' Jared scoffs, crossing his arms on his chest. Jensen parks the car and slams the door when he gets out, he stomps around and opens Jared's door. But Jared refuses to get out, arms tucked stubbornly away from Jensen.

''Jared, come on! We gotta hurry.''   

Jensen sighs, turns away with his brows furrowed like he does when he’s thinking. Jared is annoyed that he knows this, that this facial expression is the same as _Dean’s_.

‘’Jared, listen.’’ Jensen’s voice is calm now, and Jared is even angrier because he knows this too, Jensen knows him. He knows that Jared responds better to gentle reasoning, he learnt that after the first time they fought. Jensen screamed at him and he’d burst into tears. Just remembering makes his face hot, he’s so fucking pathetic.

Jensen squats so he’s looking up at Jared, he tries to take his hands but Jared jerks them away. Jensen flinch like Jared’s rejection has stung him, and Jared doesn’t want it to affect him, but he’s been in love with this man for too long to just shut it down.

‘’Jay,’’ Jensen starts again ‘’I know you’re upset,’’ Jared opens his mouth to spit a scathing retort but Jensen holds up a finger ‘’And you have every right to be. But this is dangerous, you could get yourself killed and I can’t live with that. So, please,’’ His voice cracks at the end, eyes shining ‘’You can shout all the insults you want later, you can…

You can leave me and never talk to me again if that’s what you want, just let me ensure your safety first.’’

It’s not like he’s being difficult just to annoy Jensen, Jared is hurt. Betrayed, he’s spent the best days of his life with Jensen, happy and in love only to discover it’s all been a lie. He doesn’t know anything about Jensen’s reasons, his past. Everything he knew is false. He doesn’t know how to deal, he doesn’t want to follow Jensen calmly, doesn’t want to be led around again.  

He nods his head without making eye contact, gets out of the car with no more arguments. He’s never learnt how to refuse Dean, and it seems that he can’t say no to Jensen either.

Jensen opens the door to their usually ignored basement, heading to the back. He fitches up a huge hammer from the corner and orders Jared to back away. Jensen counts the steps under his breath, bends down and knocks on the ground. It sounds like a drum. Jared’s heartbeats turn to something wild as Jensen lifts the hammer up and hits down with all his might. The floor shatters under the metallic ball’s weight, and Jensen keeps beating up till he makes a big hole.

It leads to a staircase, narrow and longer than one might think. Jensen descends and Jared follows, into a room out of some horrible nightmare. Bags of steel is what he sees, but he knows what they are before Jensen opens them.

Weapons. All kinds: pistols and rifles and all sizes of knives. Bile raises up his throat, and he forces himself to swallow it down.

Jensen’s fingers fly up over them, gathering what he needs, opening one suitcase after another. He gets to one box that’s filled with golden coins and takes some.

‘’Do you have something you wanna take?’’ Jensen asks. Like he’s done here, won’t come back. Like this house isn’t full of them and laughter and sex and love and their fucking pictures on the walls. He feels the previous anger claiming up his ribcage and boiling his blood, but he shakes his head.

‘’I want _nothing_ from this place, just to get away.’’ It’s cruel, there’s a split second when he enjoys how Jensen’s face falls, relishes the fact that he hurt him. Regret follows soon after, then shame hits him. If he can hurt Jensen then Jensen cares. Jared doesn’t want to think about it.

A faint sound of footsteps above them, Jensen motions with his finger to not make a noise, holding Jared’s gaze ‘till he nods. He walks close to Jared, too close. Give him a blinding smile, whispers ‘’I love you.’’ Then he takes two guns and he’s gone. Climbing up the stairs.

The first shot makes him flinch, the second one is nauseating. He can’t tell which one is the third. It’s like thunder hit inside the house, booming and frightening, the air fills with the smell of gunpowder, and the heavier sent of protein that he knows is blood.

Red, thick blood is cascading down the stairs, and he imagines the poor bastard who no doubt lying at the top. Dead. Jensen killed that person, but if he hadn’t, that person would’ve killed Jensen. Or him.

Then the shots stop, and instead of relief, Jared’s body is paralysed with incapacitating terror. What if they killed Jensen? What would he do?

Stumbling footsteps, then a grunt. Jensen falls down.

Jared is crying for the hundredth time today, and he doesn’t care anymore.

‘’You’re shot!’’ He squeaks. Jensen groans and stands up, scrunching his nose at the wound in his thigh.

‘’Flesh wound. No bone injury and no major vessels.’’ He sounds like he’s reporting a case. Jared’s trembling, mouth set into a straight line. He clenches his fist and his jaw, biting down on the scalding words he wants to utter. It’s not the time for this.

Jensen shoulders one of the bags he readied earlier, holds the suitcase in the other hand and gestures with his head for Jared to follow.

Jared runs to the bathroom, eyes stinging with new tears. He gets the first aid kit, and marches back to Jensen, who’s waiting impatiently in the living room. Jared stares at him and Jensen slumps his shoulders. Silently walking to the couch and lying down, placing his foot on the arm so his leg is elevated. Jared narrows his eyes at Jensen and Jensen concedes.

‘’Okay, okay!’’ There’s laughter in his voice. And his smile is too happy for someone who just got shot. He strips his jeans and lies back down. Jared sits on the floor in front of Jensen’s thigh and sets to work, cleaning the area with disinfectant, and suturing the wound. It’s deeper than Jensen made it out to be, and he wants to smack Jensen but he holds it in.

He rubs some local antibiotics then wraps it up, no redness seep through and Jared lets out a relieved breath.

He jolts when he feels Jensen’s fingers in his hair, pushing it back, scratching his scalp. For just a moment he closes his eyes and imagines this clusterfuk didn’t happen, that he didn’t just step over many dead bodies on the floor of their home.That Jensen didn’t lie to him, loved him for real. It’s too much, a lump forms in his throat and he tries to swallow it down but he can't.

Jensen hand slides down to his cheek, thumb caressing under his eye. ‘’Thanks, Jared.’’

Jared nods and pushes himself up, he doesn’t help Jensen to his feet even though his heart is screaming, soul aching to just forgive him and hold him and kiss him. Sink into the lie and breathe it and fucking suffocate in it.

He walks to the car, clutching the first aid kit to his chest.

 

*********************************

 

They drive all day and late into the night. Jared dozes off on the passenger seat. Jensen doesn’t slow down. Stops once to refill their tank and then it’s the open road again.

They sat down and planned to go road tripping once, Jared remembers them talking excitedly, big stupid smiles plastered on their faces. They drew their course on the map, and Jensen (Dean, not Jensen, the fake version) told Jared about all the worthy stops. They never made time for that, but the planning was just as fun.

Looking back at it, Jared thinks they didn’t really want to go, all they wanted was to sit on the ground, shoulders brushing and knees bumping with that ridiculous US map in front of them. They were so silly. _He_ was.

Dean smiled all the time, he joked about everything, dry wit and in your face attitude. He was tender and passionate and the loudest ever. He was carefree and protective and he loved Jared more than anything. He bought a ring and got on one knee, he made love to Jared every chance he got, and he kissed him good morning and good night.

Jared knows Dean, like the back of his hand, every expression, every sound and every word never spoken.

He doesn’t know Jensen.

Jensen sets his jaw tight, he shoots people and he’s intense. He doesn’t talk. He lies and deceives, can hold a facade for as long as he needs. Two years even.

He still drives with both hands on the wheel and twenty miles above the speed limit, his eyes have gold in them when the light hits them right. He still nags Jared to eat, even when _he_ doesn’t. He covers Jared with his jacket, and pets Jared’s hair when he thinks he’s asleep.

Jared’s heart is aching, fighting against his mind. Jared wants his heart to win, but the logic tells him Jensen used him to hide. Used him as a cover story to get away.

‘’I don’t know who my parents are.’’ Jensen says. Jared’s head snaps to him, staring with confusion.

‘’They didn’t die when I was fifteen like I told you. I never knew them.’’ Jensen’s knuckles are white, his shoulders tense, he doesn’t glance at Jared from the corner of his eyes, just keep talking.

‘’When I was five, they came to the orphanage. Picked some kids up. I was one of those kids,’’ A long inhale, and Jensen pauses, releases the air slowly. He bites his lip. Rolls his shoulders like he’s readying for a fight.

‘’They taught us a lot of things. Weapons, hand to hand combat. Sword fight, whatever. We were taught how to use anything to our advantage, how to survive. Medical shit, psychology, how to lie and detect lies. How to make people like us. I never knew anything else.

Growing up, I was the best they had. They sent me to the hardest missions, I did the dirtiest work, never blinked even when I killed for the first time. To me that was everything, and I had to be good at it. It never weighed on me, I never wanted something else.’’

A car passes them by, then another. They cross a state line, Jared isn’t sure which one it is, he doesn’t care either. If he wasn’t so stubborn, so stupid, he would reach out and hold Jensen’s hand, help him get the words out. He places his hands in his lap, threads the fingers, stares down on them and feels the question climbing up his throat and slamming on his teeth, fighting to get out.

‘’I liked it,’’ Jensen’s admission is a broken whisper, yet it rings in Jared’s ear louder than that bullet that went right through the foundation of everything he’s built and wrecked it to the ground. Worse than that is the pain in Jensen’s voice, the raw emotions. Jensen is resigned.

Resigned to losing Jared. Confessing his sins, with the calm desperation of a man dying.

‘’I never wanted anything else.’’ Jensen repeats, this time he’s angry. ‘’Until you.’’

The gasp escapes him before he can try to prevent it, Jared hates how Jensen can affect him this much, hates how weak he is for this man. Loathes that all he wants to do is ask Jensen to shut up and kiss him till both of them stop breathing. He wants to crawl the space between them, rest his head on Jensen’s shoulder, get high on his scent. He’s never gone so long without being in those arms and everything in him is revolting against himself, calling out for Jensen.

‘’I didn’t use you to get out, Jared. I got out to be with you. I did so much to get the chance you...you have no idea how much. I just wanted that chance.’’

It sounds like begging. Like a cry for help, Jared’s heart is bleeding, what Jensen’s said is too much for him to process now, and he’s not sure if he wants to believe Jensen again. He remains silent. Jensen doesn’t talk again.

 

They sleep in a motel at the side of the road. It smells like mold and everything feels wet, the air is too thick and the light is too dim. The room is barely big enough for the two beds (two beds. Jared hasn’t slept in a bed alone since he met Jensen) and the rag that’s supposed to be the carpet is most likely rotten. The wallpaper is abhorrent, yellow with a flowery pattern too cheerful for the miserable state of this room.

Jared eyes everything with distaste, the scent is too strong he spends the night trying not to puke.

Jensen’s breath tells Jared he’s not asleep.

Something about the place makes him reckless, maybe it’s the smell, or that he’s freezing, he doesn’t know. But he’s climbing into Jensen’s bed.

Jensen makes a surprised noise that’s totally girly and Jared knows he’ll deny later. He buries his face in Jensen’s chest, nose on his collarbone. Jensen’s smell washes over him, he breathes easily for the first time in the past 36 hours. Jensen’s skin is warm, his arms are comforting as they enclose Jared and bring him in.

Jensen doesn’t tease him or ask, he nuzzles into Jared’s hair and inhales deep, maybe he too missed Jared’s scent. Maybe he needs to hold Jared to feel warm, to feel safe enough to sleep.

He wants to say _you could’ve told me_ , but Jensen couldn’t have. Not really

Jared’s heart is calm again, it’s beating in sync with Jensen’s. Finally.

It’s in his veins, pumping around his body stronger than blood, making him ache. He can never cut it out, this sick need for this man, all the love in him. He can’t stop loving Jensen no matter what, be it lies or murder. He just can’t.

He drifts off to the feeling of Jensen’s fingers in his hair. A soft kiss on the crown of his head, a ghost of three words he wishes with everything were the truth, whispered in his ear.

 

************************

Another two days of driving and one dingy motel later, Jared finds them at an isolated cabin in the middle of nowhere. The place is far off to the north, and even though the wind is gentled by the thick cover of trees around, the remaining breeze is cutting in its coldness.

The cabin is clean and filled with food, it has electricity, running water and stocks of wood ready to be burned.

‘’I keep this place ready, just in case.’’ Jensen answers Jared’s unspoken question.

The cabin is nice, cozy. Jensen makes his way to the fireplace, already working on starting a fire. Jared is thankful for the considerate behaviour. He’s always been the type to get cold easily, and Jensen knows that, used to bundle Jared up with blankets and makes him hot chocolate. His lips curl into a smile at the memory.

‘’Hey Jensen, do you think we can make some hot chocolate?’’ His tone is light for the first time since that fateful gunshot three days ago. Something about the warm, intimate atmosphere in the cabin makes Jared ache with the desire to reconcile with Jensen, to go back to that place where they were happy and in love.

‘’Yeah, of course. I’ll heat some. I think there’s marshmallow, too.’’ Jensen walks to the kitchen and Jared takes the time to retrieve some blankets from the bedroom. He lays one on the ground and sits down with his thighs parallel to his legs, feet turned away from his body. He wraps the cover around him and sighs, shoulders losing their tension.

Jensen comes back with two steaming cups, he sits with his legs crossed and hands Jared his mug. Jared sips carefully and moans as the taste of hot chocolate and marshmallow bursts in his mouth, it’s heavenly, just the right sweetness.

Walls falling down, Jared moves across the space between them, settles with his head on Jensen’s shoulder, throwing the blanket over the both of them. It reminds Jared of the first awkward days when they tiptoed around each other, warmth fills his chest and he nuzzles his nose into Jensen. Jensen’s arm circling his waist and pulling him closer.

They don’t talk, let each other’s closeness calm them, slowly putting up their pieces together. As a couple they’ve had fights before, nothing as major as this but still. Arguments when their silence echoed off the walls and both of them lay wide awake in a bed that had no comfort to offer. They never failed to find their way back to each other’s arms again, and Jared knows that this is no different, they only need time.

Following a silent agreement, they sleep in the same bed again that night, curled around each other so tight their bones hurt. Being close is more important though, it soothes up aches that are much more serious than any bone hopes to be. Soul deep need and heart shattering love.

Jared wakes up with Jensen’s arms around him, and he smiles. He leaves the bed without disturbing Jensen, after cleaning up and brushing his teeth he makes his way to the kitchen.

He hums as he cooks them breakfast, smile plastered on his face. This place is good, Jared is feeling so much better and maybe he’s going to kiss Jensen again after the meal. A whistle cuts his musings and he blushes hard when Jensen does it again, a cat-call wolf whistle.

Jared turns around to face Jensen and his face falls. Jensen is dressed to go outside, heavy clothes and a duffel over his shoulder.

‘’Where are you going?’’

‘’I have to clean this mess up, when it’s safe again outside I’ll come get you.’’ Jensen moves towards him, and Jared feels panic building up.

‘’You’re leaving? Jensen, no.’’ He tries for commanding and falls into a plea. His eyes sting, all the scenarios of how this could go wrong passing in a horrifying montage in his head.

‘’Jared...’’

‘’Please don’t leave me. Jensen I can’t stay here without you. You could get killed!’’

‘’I got it covered. If I don’t get back in two weeks, I want you to take this phone,’’ he places an old fashioned mobile in Jared’s hand ‘’and press 3 on speed dial. Tell whoever picks up that Jensen sent you and that it’s time to collect the debt. Explain everything and ask them to protect you.’’ He extends his hand and in it a small, silver pocket watch. ‘’Give them this when they arrive, okay?’’

‘’No,’’ Jared mumbles, he throws the phone and the watch then louder he says, ‘’Jensen, _no_.’’

‘’Jared, you have to understand-’’

‘’I love you!’’ Jared blurts out, tears sliding hot down his cheeks. ‘’Don’t leave me alone, Jensen don’t get yourself killed I can’t face it, I can’t.’’

Jensen marches up towards him, arms held out. They collide and Jensen’s hands are instantly below Jared’s thighs, haoling him up, Jared’s arm clinging to Jensen’s neck, mouths drinking off of each other, biting at each other’s lips with a frantic desperation.

Jensen places him on the wooden, rectangular table. Pushing him down so his back is flat with its surface, climbing up after him and forcing his legs apart. Jared pulls him closer, Jensen threads his fingers through his hair and tangles them there. Tugging Jared’s head back and exposing his throat. Jared gasps, Jensen’s teeth dragging down the column of his long neck.

Their hands are demanding and greedy as they seek skin, as they cling and hold on. Closer, harder, _more_.

Jensen tugs on Jared’s jeans, sliding them down to reveal his ass as Jared’s trembling fingers zip Jensen’s own Jeans down. They eat at each others’ mouths, Jensen licking the insides of Jared’s, over his teeth and palate, retreating to suck on Jared’s lips and  shoving his tongue back in again.

Their mixed silva gets Jared dizzy, along with the way Jensen’s hot girth feels in the crack of his ass.

‘’Fuck me,’’ Jared begs ‘’Jensen, please fuck me.’’  

Jensen growns, rutting harder against Jared, pressing him more firmly against the table.

‘’Jensen!’’ Jared’s fingers pull impatiently on Jensen’s clothes, asking, demanding he gets inside. Jensen moves away from him and Jared sobs. Tears of frustration tickles at the corner of his eyes. Jensen doesn’t stay gone for long, he’s back with wet slick fingers, and Jared drops his legs open ever wider. Can’t bring himself to care about how much of slut he’s being. He wants to be wanton, wants to moan and show Jensen that he desires him, the he’s ready to split himself open for him.

Jensen shoves two fingers to the knuckles, and Jared shouts, pushing down on them, asking for more even though it hurts. They’ve never been this rough before, this fucking needy. Both of them aching for the other so bad they could die.

The fingers leaves Jared open and empty, and he whimpers at the cold air on his exposed hole. ‘’Jensen, I want you inside, now. Please.’’

Hot, hard cock breaches Jared, Jensen slows down, slides in and starts a gentle rhythm. Jared doesn’t have patience for gentle now, he wants raw and animalistic. He wants Jensen to fuck him hard enough he’ll feel it for days. Want to fucking bruise and be used and filled up.

He hooks his legs around Jensen’s hips, crosses his ankles at his ass and pulls him down, looping his arms around Jensen, nails digging into the strong muscles of his back.

Their chests slide together, and Jared moans as his nipples rubs against Jensen, the sensation going right into his erection.

‘’Jensen,’’ he whispers ‘’Don’t hold back. Give me everything. I want everything.’’

Jensen loses it at these words, hips pumping into Jared with reckless abandon. Dick slamming into that sweat spot inside him, making him blind with pleasure. Jared throws his head back, screams and moans with every thrust.

‘’Call my name Jared, I’ve waited so long to hear you say it. Call me Jensen.’’

‘’Jensen! Jensen, Jensen, _Jensen_.’’ Tears fall down Jared’s cheeks, his chest filling to the brim with how much he loves Jensen. How did he ever think for even a second that he could live without this?

This perfect feeling of being split open, of being held, and worshiped. It’s brutal, it’s so different from before, so honest and fucking perfect.

It’s the same as before, so warm and loving. Jensen smells the same, his cock moving inside Jared giving him electrifying pleasure. Fucking him so good and deep.

‘’I love you. Jensen, I love you.’’

Jensen crushes their mouths together, tongue forcing Jared’s lips open, fucking into him with quick dips, mimicking how his dick is thrusting into Jared’s hole.

Jared comes with a shout, sputtering his release between them. Jensen doesn’t let him fall over the edge alone, follows fast and fills Jared with warmth.

Jensen leans down and plants a tender kiss over Jared’s lips. Brushes his hair back and kisses his forehead, licks at the tear tracks on his face.

‘’I’m so in love with you I could die.’’ Jensen’s word are choked off, like they hurt. Jared’s heart is thudding like rolling thunder. Slamming into his ribcage.‘’But I have to go,’’

Jared clings, drags Jensen down into another desperate kiss. ‘’I won’t eat if you leave me, Jensen.’’  He doesn’t give a fuck at this point, how childish he sounds. He won’t leave Jensen’s side, not even for a minute. If he dies along him so be it.

‘’Jared, don’t be ridiculous.’’

‘’I don’t care. I can’t let you go, I can’t, Jensen. I’d rather die.’’ His tears start up again and Jensen’s thumb wipes at them.

Jensen hasn’t pulled out, Jared won’t uncross his legs to let him. Giving up, Jensen sighs. He covers Jared with his body and sneaks his arms around him, embracing him.

‘’Okay then, let’s do this together.’’

It might be the stupidest thing he’s ever done, but Jared is content. In Jensen’s arms he’s invincible, ready to take whatever the world wants to throw at them. He closes his eyes and allows Jensen’s scent and warmth to seep into him, guide him into sleep.

The world will be falling apart when he wakes up, he still doesn’t understand Jensen’s past or the people after them. They have so much to work out, so many worries. But for now he has Jensen. He has this, and it’s enough.  

 

**Author's Note:**

> I think this story has more to be told so I might get back to it one day. Who knows?  
> I'm [Nisaki](https://nisaki-chan.tumblr.com) on tumblr, come say hi!


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